Flipping It

We can all fall into the trap of complaining about personal and professional issues we might be experiencing in our life. From niggling little annoyances to more serious issues, these complaints are a way for us to vent. Venting is normal and good for us at times. Our complaints can even be very useful in determining what it is we actually value the most.

If we deconstruct our complaints to find greater meaning beneath the surface, we can identify what means the most to us in regards to the values that we embrace in our life and our work. 

Complaint: A co-worker monopolizes meeting times by pushing their ideas on us. 
Value: Every person in a meeting should have equal opportunity to share their thoughts and ideas. 

Complaint:    Everything keeps piling up on me. I cannot keep up with the workload.  
Value:    It is important to  me that I do a good job and  be able to handle the demands placed upon me. 

Harvard Graduate School of Education developmental psychologist, Robert Kegan, challenges people to flip their complaints to a commitment that focuses on what they value the most by asking an important question:

What commitments does your complaint imply? A positive strategy to help us take action on our own complaints. In the examples above, flipping our complaint to a commitment might look like this: 

Complaint: A co-worker monopolizes meeting times by pushing their ideas on us. 
Value: Every person in a meeting should have equal opportunity to share their thoughts and ideas. 
Commitment: I commit myself to ensuring that every person in our meetings has a chance to share their thoughts and ideas. 

Complaint:   Everything keeps piling up on me. I cannot keep up with the workload.  
Value:   It is important to  me that I do a good job and  be able to handle the demands placed upon me. 
Commitment:   I commit myself to ensuring that I better manage  my own time in an effort to put more  focus into my job performance. 


Think about the last time you had a complaint. What was the issue? In breaking down your complaint, what thing might you have valued the most when complaining? Flipping our complaints into commitments is an excellent way to challenge our own thinking and to take action on the things we value the most in our life and work.  Try it out.