We’ve all taken the time to create work that matters to us. Maybe it’s work that we have already put out into the world. Or it could be something that we haven’t put out there yet, but intend to.
For example, it could be:
Whatever it was you shipped out into the world or intend to ship out, we all know the valuable role that feedback has on providing the positive criticism needed to better ourselves or improve on what we created. On the flip side of the coin, it is natural that we want to be seen and valued for the work we do. It is human instinct to want to belong, feel a part of the tribe so to speak, or be impactful. We can often go through our days, receiving nothing but “Good Jobs!”. However, when we are actually confronted with any type of criticism in regards to our work, it can sting causing us to retreat into our own defensive shell of protection. This is because we haven’t exercised our feedback muscle enough. According to Boston College psychologist, Dr. Peter Gray: “It’s important to recognize that it’s human nature not to want unsolicited negative advice. We don’t want people to tell us something negative unless we ask for it and are ready to hear it. It’s helpful to put ourselves constantly in the place of asking for and being willing to receive feedback.” Being Ready There are days when we might not be in the right head space to receive feedback. When putting our work out into the world and asking for feedback, assess to what extent you actually want it. Is it more praise you are looking for in that moment rather than feedback? If so, here’s an idea. When sharing your work with others, simply ask any of the following questions: “What is it that you like most about this?" “What is it that you think is most helpful about this?” "What is the one thing that stands out the most to you about this?" "What is your favorite thing about this?" This may be seeking only praise, but at least you will know right away, the value of your work as seen by others. If you are actually going to ask for feedback, you must make that specifically clear by asking questions such as: “Rather than looking at what you like about this, how might I make it better?” “How would you change, modify, or tweak what I’ve created in order for it to have more impact?” "What's one thing I haven't thought of here?" "What is one thing that is missing?" "If you could change one thing about it, what would you change?" There is a distinct difference between asking for praise and asking for feedback. In wording your question in a way that demonstrates a wholehearted effort to seek critical feedback, you give complete permission to the other person to be honest. You let them know you value their time and that it is actual feedback you are looking for not praise. Practice asking these specific types of questions when you put your work out into the world. It helps you to be very clear and intentional about what it is you are after. If you are after only praise, be specific. If you want critical feedback be even more specific. Taking on this approach will better honor other people and the time they are wiling to invest in giving you what you want. Thanks for reading.
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We can sometimes be very quick to share our own thoughts, ideas, opinions, and suggestions with others. It's natural that we all want to contribute to a conversation. However, how often do we invest in deeply listening to others?
Being a good listener goes well beyond just simply listening. Great listeners want to know more in order to genuinely understand the perspective of others. To a great listener, it is never about proving someone wrong, but rather investing deeply in trying to understand their point of view. Deeper trust is built by being curious about what others think, feel, and believe. Seeking to better understand builds trust. Asking deeper questions to get to the core of what they person is trying to say builds trust. One question that a mentor of mine would always ask is simple: What makes you say that? Five simple yet powerful words. To better understand another person's point of view, I would always hear my mentor ask this question. It not only showed that she was interested in what the other person had to say, it also showed respect. And it allowed the person to know that what they were trying to share mattered. People always feel more valued when others truly listen to them. So, if you've never used this question before, give it a go. Whether it be with your spouse, child, student, friend or colleague, those 5 simple words can let people know that you genuinely care about what they have to say. Fear shows up in a variety of ways in our life. This fear can change in intensity depending on circumstances and our state of mind in any given moment.
How we learn to wrestle with this fear determines the extent to which it gets in our way. At times fear can be smothering, while at other moments a minor annoyance. This blog post is meant to challenge you to think about how you allow fear to show up in your life and the ways you learn to navigate it. When I think of fear, I think of my friend Justin, a former downhill mountain bike racer, who literally pedaled his way, as fast as he could, down treacherously steep terrain at speeds faster than 80km/hour, against other top racers around the world. Having to maneuver a mountain bike amongst at tight pack of racers down a steep mountain at that speed was no easy task as you can imagine. I also think of Tracy Edwards, the first female skipper to captain an all female crew in one of the most grueling around the world yachting races back in 1989. The Whitbread Around the World Race took 9 months to complete and exposed Tracy and her team to some of the most ferocious waves on earth. As Tracy described, "We were sailing in the middle of the Southern Ocean. It's the middle of the night in the dead of winter. It's absolutely freezing and we find ourselves battling 60-foot waves. At one point, one of the other teams lost two men overboard. One of them died. The other one was in critical condition." I asked both Justin and Tracy the same question. "How did you learn to cope with the fear?" They both acknowledged that it's not about jumping straight into the deep end. It's about building up a slow tolerance to fear. In Justin's case, he started on smaller, less steep hills. Over time, he learned to challenge himself on steeper and steeper terrain. Rather than just gliding down these hills, he learned to peddle faster and faster into the fear as he blasted his way down the mountains. Although the fear never left him, he was always able to manage it as he had trained his body and mind to do so. If we substitute water for land, there is no difference with Tracy's story. Over time, she learned to navigate bigger, more difficult waves. She didn't just airdrop herself and her team into 50-60 foot waves in the middle of the ocean. She learned to better cope with her fear by dealing with 20-foot waves, then 30-foot waves and so on. Gradually she built up her tolerance and was able to face the enormous waves that she did in the Whitbread Around the World Race. In both cases, fear was always there with Justin and Tracy. But the slow exposure to more and more fear over time and with consistency is how they learned to deal with it in ways that still allowed them to thrive. According to an Inc Magazine article, the top ten fears that hold people back are: Change, Loneliness, Failure, Rejection, Uncertainty, Something Bad Happening, Getting Hurt, Being Judged, Inadequacy, Loss of Freedom The psychologist who wrote the article stated that acknowledging your fears and facing them head-on could be the key to reaching your greatest potential. Everyone's fear's are different, but if you were to zero in on a few re-occurring fears in your life, what themes above would they fall under? For example, fear of public speaking might fall under the themes of being judged, failure, rejection, or something bad happening. Another example might be the fear of change. Maybe it's changing our lifestyle, changing our job, changing routines and habits that don't serve us, etc. This fear of change can bleed into other fears such as: What if I fail ? (fear of failure) What if I lose friends as a result of making this lifestyle change? (fear of rejection) What if I don't have what it takes to change jobs? (fear of uncertainty or fear of inadequacy) When faced with the common fears that most people experience, how might we use Justin and Tracy's stories as a metaphor for how we can learn to navigate fear in our own lives? How might we slowly introduce more and more fear into our lives to be able to build up our own tolerance of it? How can we take tiny steps each day to face our fears in a way that allows us to one day thrive despite these actual fears? In closing, a final quote I will share is: "Courage is not the absence of fear. Courageous people do feel fear, but they are able to manage and overcome their fear so that it does not stop them taking action. They often use the fear to ensure that they are not overly confident and that they take the appropriate actions." Want to hear more about Tracy Edward's amazing journey in the Whitbread Around the World Race? In our podcast, she not only shares her deep learning from this journey, but the work she is now doing to make the world a better place. To listen to her story, click the photo below to bring you to our episode. Thanks for reading and taking the time to listen to the podcast with Tracy if you haven't heard it yet. Imagine a distance of 110 miles or 177km. At a leisurely speed driving a car, it would probably take 2 hours. Now imagine having to swim that entire distance without getting out of the water or being able to take rests in a boat. On September 2, 2013, 64-year old Diana Nyad became the first person to ever swim the 110-mile distance between Havana, Cuba and Key West, Florida without the protection of a shark cage. A remarkable achievement, especially when taking into consideration she had four failed attempts before actually succeeding. Diana’s first attempt had been 35 years earlier in 1978, followed by other attempts in August 2011, September 2011, and August 2012. Weather conditions, a shoulder injury, and painful jellyfish bites had all thwarted her previous attempts, but in 2013, she did everything humanly possible to prepare for her next attempt. At approximately 1:55 pm EDT on September 2, 2013, Nyad reached the beach in Key West, about 53 hours after she began her journey. An extraordinary feat. The mantra that kept her going through the entire last attempt was ‘Find a way’. Four questions Diana unpacks in her book Find a Way are: Why, at sixty-four, was she able to achieve what she could not at thirty? How did her crushing failures push her to success? What inner resources did Diana draw on during her long days and nights of training? How did the power of the human spirit trump both the limitations of the body and the forces of nature across this vast, dangerous wilderness? When I reflect on Diana’s journey and the mantra that got her through it all, I’m drawn to the obstacles and challenges that we all face on a daily basis. When faced with challenges or hardship, does our mindset allow us to ‘find our own way’ through it all or does our mindset shut us down to possible solutions, constricting our thinking which can result in limited options. Sometimes we need important reminders that we all have the inner capacity to figure things out, especially during tough times. In closing, I want to share a quote from Diana. As you read it, think about your own life. How can you always ‘find a way’ through challenges and adversity in your life? What might you need to do to sharpen your own mindset in order to think differently about how you work your way through tough times? “Take every minute, one at a time. Don’t be fooled by a perfect sea at any given moment. Accept and rise to whatever circumstance presents itself. Be in it full tilt, your best self. Summon your courage, your true grit. When the body fades, don’t let negative edges of despair creep in. Allowing flecks of negativity leads to a Pandora’s box syndrome. You can’t stop the doubts once you consent to let them seep into your tired, weakened brain. You must set your will. Set it now. Let nothing penetrate or cripple it.” I have included Diana’s TED X talk below should you want to know more about her and her journey. Thanks for reading. More than 200 years ago, a disease called Puerperal Fever, also known as the Black Death of Child Bed, spread across Europe and made its way to America. This disease ravaged Europe and America and was responsible for the deaths of thousands of women. What was happening was that women were dying within 48 hours after giving birth. And in some cases, the statistics were shockingly high, reaching up to 70% of women dying within days of giving birth.
As it was the renaissance period, science and medicine had taken center stage. No longer was tradition and mysticism a normal part of society. The doctors of the day were considered to be highly intellectual and men of science who knew everything. As Puerperal Fever continued to grip communities across America and Europe, it was these men of science who wanted to find out the root cause of what was happening, so they got to work. In the mornings they would conduct autopsies and study the corpses of the women who had died. Later in the day, they would deliver babies. Around 1850, a physician by the name of Oliver Wendall Holmes realized that the doctors who had been conducting autopsies in the morning were not washing their hands before going to deliver babies in the afternoon. He immediately called out the doctors within the medical system and told them that ‘they were the problem’. What ensued was a tragedy. These doctors ignored him and called him crazy and for 30 years they continued their same routines each day. And during this time, Puerperal Fever continued to steal the lives of countless women. Finally, someone realized that if the doctors simply washed their hands and sterilized their equipment, the Black Death of Child Bed would go away. And that is exactly what happened. I first heard this story in a Simon Sinek talk that he gave a few years ago. In Simon’s own words he says: “My lesson here is sometimes YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. People can sometimes blame everyone else, but my point is take accountability for your actions. You can take all the credit for the things you do right AS LONG AS you also take responsibility for the things you do wrong. It must be a balanced equation.” It can be very easy to point blame everywhere else in our lives when things do not go well. When we encounter things such as resistance, push-back, failed projects, relationships gone bad, etc, it can be our default setting to blame others. But, as illustrated in Simon’s story, to what extent might we be the problem? This story applies to everyone in every role, but even more so for the leaders in today’s world. To lead with authenticity and purpose and put people first in an organization, leaders must remember to always balance the equation. Absolutely celebrate and take credit for the successes of your organization, but be equally ready to take responsibility when things go wrong or need to be improved. Our wins in life sometimes come easy for us. At other times they come with great pain and hardship. And there are other moments when we fail to see that a win in our life is actually a win at all. The tumultuous wins we experience in life come in many different forms but can be huge victories.
How could it be a win to be able to even walk across the street? That was a tumultuous win that I never realized was a win at all till years later. Why was it a win? Because I had almost been killed in an accident in Cambodia. I had my ulnar artery completely severed and almost bled out. I was saved by a retired Scottish orthopedic surgeon who ran a charity that did volunteer surgeries on landmine victims. I was then sent to Singapore to have my hand and wrist completely reconstructed by a top hand specialist. For weeks after, although deeply thankful for the doctors who came to my rescue in my greatest time of need, I suffered from post traumatic stress disorder that was so bad I was jarred awake by the sound of shattering glass in my mind every night as I slept. The PTSD was so intense at times that I couldn’t bring myself to walk across busy roads after the accident. I was overcome by panic in those moments. How could the simple act of walking across the street be such a win? For me it was because in the first few weeks after, I would literally freeze and not be able to take the first steps needed to begin crossing the street. Every time I walked across a busy street, it became less constricting in my mind. It gave me hope I would recover and that I could move on with my life. However, I didn’t know it to be a win till years later when I looked at the situation differently. The accident changed my life and took me in a new direction. This direction provided my family and I with amazing opportunities that we are eternally grateful for to this very day. I’ve shared only one example here on purpose. To provoke you to think more deeply about the tumultuous wins in your own life. Your tumultuous wins are uniquely yours. Explore what these wins may be. Reflect on hardship and life lessons learned. Create time and space to do so and I guarantee you will also be able to connect the dots and realize that you came out better on the other side for having gone through what you did. Thanks for reading. Have you ever struggled with the feeling that you aren't as competent or intelligent as others might think you are? Has it ever felt that it was just a matter of time before you were going to be exposed and the truth would come out? If this is the case, you are not alone. Research suggests that 25-30% of people, especially high achieving, well-accomplished individuals struggle with 'imposter syndrome' with regularity in their lives. And, as high as 70% of people have fought or will fight feelings of imposter syndrome at least once in their lifetime. According to Psychology Today magazine, personality traits largely drive imposter syndrome. Those who experience it struggle with issues related to self-efficacy, perfectionism, and neuroticism. Competitive environments can also lay the groundwork for imposter syndrome to rear its ugly head. There are many reasons why imposter syndrome exists. Some researchers believe that people who go on to develop feelings of impostorism faced intense pressure about academic achievement from their parents in childhood. Whatever the reasons are for developing imposter syndrome, it is never easy to deal with. If you have experienced imposter syndrome first hand or know someone close to you that has struggled with it, rest easy in knowing there are specific strategies that can put into action to combat it. Learning to positively deal with imposter syndrome requires deep internal work. People can fear doing the internal work needed to overcome inner conflict in their lives. Doing this work can be challenging, but as well-known high performance psychologist, Dr. Michael Gervais, states: Here are 3 ways that you can learn to positively cope with imposter syndrome in order to better honor who you are and what you are truly capable of:
1. Don't Push It Away Don't feel that it's your job to ignore imposter syndrome or not allow it in your life. Everything shows up in our life for a reason. Learn to sit with self-criticism, even if harsh, but don't let it define who you are or what you are capable of. Perhaps imposter syndrome shows up as a protective mechanism in our life. Could it be there, at times, to draw more attention to our roles and responsibilities and the demands of our job? Rather than push it away or ignore it, how might we identify when it's happening and use whatever metaphor necessary to sideline it. For example, a good strategy is to think of a sports game either on a field or in an arena. When imposter syndrome shows up in our life, let it know it is allowed to stay, but that it can only watch the game from the sidelines or the stands. Thank it for showing up, but be certain to let it know that you don't need it at that moment. You are the one playing the game. Learn to build an alliance with it and befriend it, but do not let it define who you are or what you are capable of achieving. 2. Scan For Evidence of Good Dr. Martin Seligman, the Director of the Penn Positive Psychology Center and best-selling author, promotes a strategy called 'Scanning for Evidence' or 'Being a Researcher of Good' to help people draw more awareness to the good things in life. Rather than focusing on all the things that are not going well, Seligman suggests that we need to build the skill of searching for the good in our lives and for reasons to celebrate and hold in higher regard. In doing so, we can easily find evidence to contradict the negative, harsh, judgmental inner critic that can show up in our life at times. So, when experiencing imposter syndrome, put this strategy into action right away. Scan for the evidence that proves you have done the hard work necessary to be where you are. Not only have you earned it, you are fully capable and competent of achieving great success. As well, acknowledge that you are a learner who is always willing to grow and get better each day. By scanning for the good, you can disprove the harsh, inner critic almost immediately and gain the upper hand on imposter syndrome when it shows up. 3. Don't Seek Perfection Even the highest achievers and performers in the world know what their gaps and limitations are. These people understand that they do not need to know or be able to do everything. They consistently seek help when they need it. They do not have a 'must go it alone' mentality, but rather, they understand the positive impact that building a team of support around them has on their own performance. They are never afraid to seek support and communicate their own needs with consistency. Vulnerability plays a crucial role in this process. When you are feeling overwhelmed by imposter syndrome, remind yourself that you do not need to be perfect. Build your internal capacity to ask for help when you need it, admit what you don't know, and double down on your own strengths in order to continually broaden the tool kit of skills needed to succeed in your life. In the process, you will not only be able to better deal with imposter syndrome when it arises, but also lift others up around you as well. Finding Your Best In October of 2021, I was fortunate enough to interview Dr. Michael Gervais on my Run Your Life podcast series. In this episode, Michael and I discuss, in great detail, the work that he has committed himself to which is focused on helping people to build the internal skills needed to perform to the best of their ability. In this conversation, Michael shares deep insight into what it takes to develop a more empowering personal narrative. In this episode, you will learn specific strategies to overcome imposter syndrome and other obstacles that get in the way of success and fulfillment. Click the photo below to access the conversation with Dr. Michael Gervais on my podcast. As always thanks for reading. Please share or comment in the space below to add any other thoughts you have about this post. Some teachers are highly driven to build their craft on the extreme edge of innovation, challenging their students to continually push the boundaries of what is possible. One look inside of the classroom of a teacher like this can make us feel like we will never measure up.
It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we have to do what 'they' are doing. Fear of judgement can creep in, leaving us to feel confined, constricted, and pressured into having to 'keep up'. Whether it be the amazingly designed display board of mistake-free student work, the perfectly constructed lesson that goes off without a hitch, or using cutting-edge technology in our teaching, we can easily fall prey to thinking that this is what we must do. Trying to always compete and keep up with our colleagues is not only mentally exhausting, it is absolute proof that we need to re-calibrate and return back to what 'WE' do best. What makes us uniquely great at what we do? What strengths do we possess that allow us to show up for students with consistency? And how can we double down on those strengths to ensure that every one of our students has endless opportunities to thrive and flourish in our classroom? Every day we have the chance to lead, to connect and create great teaching moments that we are proud of. An imperfect display board with mistake-ridden student work can sometimes be the greatest sign that we are celebrating learning in ways that matter most. It may look like total chaos to people passing by in the hallway, but deep creativity and autonomy lies directly below the surface. The same goes for the imperfect lesson or shaky use of technology. If we have the best of intentions that strongly connect to the main aims of a unit and always put our students at ground zero of what we do every day, how can we not be a true champion of teaching. Aspire to get better, learn from colleagues, take chances to innovate and create new ways of teaching, but do so in a way that lets your own strengths shine. If you find yourself falling into the 'comparison trap', remind yourself of what you do best and keep rolling. Thanks for reading. " I tell you: one must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star. " What lies beneath the chaos in your life? No doubt the last two and a half years have brought on hardship, crisis, unpredictability, doubt, anxiety, sadness and even deep fear in many people around the world. In what ways have you taken action to examine, on a much deeper level, how you have changed as a person as a result of it all? How has your inner voice played a role in navigating you through the hardship? Has your inner voice served you well or has it caused you to spiral downward? How in tune are you with this inner voice? Well-known performance psychologist and best-selling author, Dr. Jim Loehr, believes that the single most important factor in successful achievement, personal fulfillment and life satisfaction is the strength of one’s character. He also insists that our inner voice plays a critical role in defining what is possible in our lives and it is imperative that we learn how to align our inner voice with our deepest values in life. Here is a quote from Dr. Loehr which eloquently sums up the power of our inner voice: As you reflect on your own life and your ability to overcome hardship and adversity, a great thought exercise is to draw more awareness to the state of your own inner voice. Pay closer attention to habitual ways of speaking to yourself. If you begin to notice that it is negative at times, there are strategies you can put into action that will allow you to build a more empowering personal narrative.
I had Dr. Loehr on my podcast last year and he spoke, with deep insight, about his work and how anyone can build the necessary skills to be more kind, supportive, loving, and self-compassionate toward themselves. Lots of great takeaways in this episode. You can listen to the conversation between Dr. Loehr and I by clicking the image below. I hope you have a listen and share it with anyone who you feel will benefit from listening. “Respect begins with this attitude: I acknowledge that you are a creature of extreme worth.” Well-known Esquire magazine writer, Cal Fussman, once told a story about being 7 years old and what it was like finding out that US president, John F Kennedy, had been assassinated. Cal clearly remembers the look on his grade 2 classroom teacher’s face as she told the students that Kennedy had been killed and that vice president, Lyndon B Johnson, would be sworn in as the new president of the United States. As Cal tried to process what this meant, he knew that it was a tragic event of historical significance in his country. All of the students in the school were sent home for the day. Later that evening, as Cal watched Johnson being sworn in as president, he began to wonder “what was it like for that guy?”. Questions began to pop up in his mind such as, “What is Johnson really thinking?” and “What was it like to wake up one day and suddenly become the president of the United States?”. Cal felt so overwhelmed by these questions that he decided to write a letter to the President of the United States and ask him all the questions that were racing through his mind. Cal’s parents showed their own support by sending the letter to the White House. Months would pass by with no response, but to Cal’s massive surprise (and shock), he received a letter back from Lyndon B Johnson’s personal assistant Wanita Roberts. On behalf of the president, Wanita thanked Cal for his amazing questions and told him how moved Johnson was by his letter. She went on to answer all of his questions and, as Cal and his parents read the letter, he beamed with pride in knowing that he had received an actual response from the White House. As Cal reflected back on that day, he described in his own words that, “In that moment, I was made to feel that what I thought mattered. I felt a deep sense that I was respected and was being treated as an adult – that I actually mattered and was valued.” This event would go on to shape Cal’s life and lead to him becoming one of the most renowned journalists in the United States. Cal would go on to interview extraordinary people such as Nelson Mandela, Jimmy Carter, Serena Williams, Mohammad Ali, Kobe Bryant, Clint Eastwood, Madonna, Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson and countless other influential people in sport, politics, entertainment and business. When I heard Cal’s story about the letter to Johnson and how receiving a response impacted him so deeply, I couldn’t help but think about the students who enter our classrooms every day. As Thin Book of Trust author, Charles Feltman, states, ‘Every single interaction we have throughout the day is an opportunity to deepen trust or break it through our words and actions.” Although our students are young and have so much to learn, what they think, feel, believe and want truly matters. So, bearing this in mind, as educators, how are we taking little moments throughout the day to reinforce to them that they do matter. How do our actions align with ensuring we create the conditions for deep respect in the classroom? How are we consistently checking in with students to get feedback, to hear their suggestions, and use these ideas as an important gateway to further discussions? How can their feedback help to truly shape our teaching to ensure we reach every child? A Simple Yet Effective Strategy Having worked closely with my colleague Scott in regards to his music program over the years, I know that he is always reflecting on ways to better reach his students and engage them in their learning. In order to do this, he has always been willing to tinker with new ideas and try out different strategies that help him to better understand possible next steps in his teaching. A new strategy he is putting into action in his current ‘Melody’ unit required a bit of set up work, but has been highly effective in providing him with direct and immediate feedback about the students' experiences in his current unit. It allows him to peer into the students’ actual experiences and see to what extent they are enjoying the unit. As you can see by the photo below, he has set up an exit ticket strategy on the wall of his classroom directly beside the door. There are three large pieces of paper adhered to the wall. The first color is green followed by yellow then followed by red. The exit ticket strategy which takes no longer than 2-3 minutes has each student use a sticky note to indicate to what extent they are enjoying the unit. As Scott teaches grades 1, 2, and 3, each grade level uses a specific color sticky note so Scott can see the differences between the grades. The green poster means that the kids are really enjoying the unit. The yellow poster means that they like it for the most part but there are things they think can be improved. The red poster means that they do not like it at all. There are three key things that this exit ticket strategy achieves:
In conclusion, what might you take away from this strategy that could be applied to your teaching in any discipline? How might you dig into the student experiences more by getting them to reflect on how much they are actually enjoying their learning? How can this not only help to make your students feel more valued and respected, but also give you deeper insight into who they are and how they learn? Great things continue to happen across classrooms around the world, but the more we share, the more we learn. I hope this post has you thinking more deeply about what is possible in your own teaching. Thanks for reading. |
AuthorKAUST Faculty, Pedagogical Coach. Presenter & Workshop Leader.IB Educator. #RunYourLife podcast host. Archives
September 2022
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